The Legend Of Zelda The Real Story
by The Silver Dog
Summary: Humor and violence imbark on the never before told story, behind the scenes of the game. Where Navi is violent was there ever a doubt and you see Link as the coward and idiot, that most people don't think he is.


The Legend Of Zelda – The Real Story

Summary: Link is always being stupid. From stepping on fairies to breaking the Kokiri's Emerald! Why is he being so stupid? Is it because he has a brain tumor the size of a football in his head? Well I don't know, but you will find out in the new story; LINK!

* * *

"Well Link. Where have you got us now?" Said Navi. Navi landed on Link's head and she kicked him, "Well?"

Link shrugged. He took a step towards his tree-house, hoping that he wouldn't have to go out today, and that he could sleep in. But, being the 'hero' of our story for now, he didn't realize that Navi would rather cripple herself then be his fairy. She just wanted to kill some monsters (and hope they kill Link) and get it all over with.

"You moron! Get out the MAP!" she muttered a few curse words under her breath before noticing that Link was walking away. She flew over to the moronic Kokiri (she had her doubts on his race too) and she pounded on his head with her small hands. Link fell to the floor. Navi screamed it once more, and he got up.

"Okay…" Link grabbed a pencil out of his pocket.

"Wow, you are stupid." She grabbed the map out of his pocket and hit him over the head with it, and gave it to him, " YOU HAVE THE MAP UPSIDE DOWN NOW!"

Link turned the map up right and said, "We are at the Kokiri Forest…" he looked pleased with his findings and walked towards a pile of grass, where he began to chop it down.

"And you actually need a map? You lived here for seven years and you don't know WHERE YOU LIVE!" she flew over to Link and kicked him with her foot (which if anyone wants to know is big. It is hairy. It has callous all over it, and if you ask her about it, she will gladly kick you in your family jewels, or your head), "Lets go." He blinked, "NOW!"

"I don't know. I just don't know."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Navi coaxed him to go to the Deku Tree, saying when everything was over, she would give him a piece of cheese.

Link followed the map to the very large and very particular Deku Tree. He had to fight seven or more keese and cross a cold river and then the tree spoke to him.

"Link, go inside me and help me."

"What are you Gay?" Navi asked, her blue light flickering as she spoke.

"No, Ganon…"

"Wow. How many gay people are there in this game?"

"As I was saying, Link, Ganon an evil man has cast a curse upon me. You need to go inside me and you will see a giant spider named Gohma."

"Ah, am I the only one grossed out because a tree can see inside of himself or is it just me?"

"NAVI! THAT IS ENOUGH!"

"Whoa there, okay I will try not to speak out."

"Link, you will see a spider. Kill it."

Link nodded.

"By the way. My name is the Great Deku tree." He said smiling. He opened his mouth and Link and Navi went inside of the Great Deku tree. It smelt of fried egg and liver.

"Wow. What does it eat?"

"Roots and passing by Kokiri children mostly." The tree said.

"That explains the liver. But the fried egg?" Navi asked cross-legged on Link's head.

"Well um… I can't resist it. I have to get the sun to fry them on the highest branch. It works well. Now all I need is a slow cooker and I will be okay for the winter months."

"Yeah, those things are great."

"Uh Navi…" Link said poking Navi and getting ready to draw his sword.

"Link can't you see the grown ups are talking?"

"Yeah but!"

"THE GROWN UPS ARE TALKING! I am sure that it can take a minute!" Navi said getting irritated with Link.

Link just pointed in front of him.

"What the hell is that?" Navi said gawking at the Queen Gohma, "YOU SAID THAT IT WAS A REGULAR GOHMA! IT IS IN MY CONTRACT!"

"Uh, it must have slipped my mind…"

"NAVI!"

"What do you want me to do!"

"KILL IT!"

"Okay. Now," Navi said as she lifted her self off of Links head with her wings, "Who here has a sword? Not me but you stupid! I cannot kill it. You are the one that has to do that."

"But NAVI!" Link drew his sword and started swinging it around with his eyes closed.

Navi looked around the cave. She spotted a slingshot. She grabbed it and started to hit the evil beast in the eye with some pebbles the size of acorns and it started to back away. Navi tossed the slingshot at Link. It hit him in the head and he passed out.

"Oh good GOD!"

Navi grabbed link's sword and she began to strike the demonic beast. It slowly died.

Link awoke from his coma and grabbed the slingshot, which had just hit him in the head. Navi grabbed the Kokiri Emerald, which had appeared where the evil Queen Gohma had just been up to link and said, "NOW! If you break this I will kill you!"

"…Okay?"

"Good now lets go out of here and talk to this gay tree…"

"Thank you for saving me…" Was the whisper on the wind, as the Great Deku tree began to rot, "Find the three Spiritual Stones, or Navi will make you suffer the consequences…."

Navi said, "Okay sir gay tree!"

"I'm not gay…"

"What ever…"

* * *

AN: I loved the game, but wondered, wtf, why doesNavi get the back seat?


End file.
